Redefining the “Perfect Woman”

First off…WTF even is a “perfect woman” anyway?

Society's idea of the "perfect woman" has been a moving target for decades.

• In the 1950s, she was a “trad mom”, aka the backbone of the family. She managed the home with grace, grit, and a smile.

• In the 60s and 70s she was redefined to be wild and free; the backbone of the community during a time of social upheaval and liberation.

• Fast forward to the 90s and, along with the empowering idea that women too can build careers, came the expectation to BOTH have a career AND raise a family. Now suddenly women have also become the backbone of the American economy… because apparently we didn’t have enough on our plates already.

(Shout out to Emily Longfellow for the mini history lesson!)

Let’s be honest: this ever evolving idea of the "perfect woman" is exhausting.

A “perfect woman” today is supposed to have flawless skin, a spotless home, organic sourdough rising on the counter, and a Pinterest-worthy breakfast ready for her husband and children every morning. Meanwhile, she's also expected to lift weights, journal daily, and have a thriving marriage, all while drinking exactly the right amount of water and making space for self care. Oh, and don’t forget the little “side gig” or full time job she has to bring in income too.

To that I say, hard pass.

That’s not my version of a perfect woman. Not even close.

As someone who lives with ADHD, homeschools a kiddo, runs my own business, helps on the farm a whole lot during calving season, and is on a mission to call out food fear-mongering & diet culture and make homesteading more accessible, my definition of the “perfect woman” is a little messier. A little louder. A whole lot realer.

Here’s what a Perfect Woman looks like, in my world:

She’s Real

She doesn’t fake it for Instagram or try to perform a curated life. She’s honest about the mess, the burnout, the weird ADHD spirals, the fast food & frozen chicken nuggets, and the days that start with tears & end with laughter. She’s not pretending and that’s exactly why people feel safe around her.

She’s Curious and Compassionate

She questions the rules about everything: food, parenting, womanhood, homesteading, what counts as “healthy” or “enough”... But she doesn’t judge people who are still figuring it out. She’s not here to shame anyone. She’s here to explore, to learn, to unlearn, and to bring others along for the ride.

She’s Both Nurturing and Fiercely Independent

She might be raising a kid, growing tomatoes, or helping out a cow in labor, but she’s doing it her way. She trusts her gut even when it goes against society’s version of what motherhood or homesteading “should” look like. She asks for help when she needs it, even if it makes her feel uneasy. She knows that being nurturing doesn’t mean self-sacrificing, and that independence doesn’t mean going it alone.

She’s a Cycle-Breaker

Diet culture? She’s done. Fear-based food marketing? Over it. Hustle culture? She calls BS. Pinterest-perfect home? Not her cup of tea.

She’s done with the idea that “good moms” only feed their families organic, grass-fed, non-GMO everything. She knows worth isn’t measured in lunchbox labels or moralized meals. She’s also done with the myth that motherhood requires constant self-sacrifice and that being a “good mom” means burning herself out to meet everyone else’s needs first.

She’s not here to perform motherhood as a scripted part in a play. She’s here to reclaim the role for herself. To heal, not impress. To raise kids without the baggage she carried. To set boundaries even if it makes the people around her uncomfortable. She’s more interested in healing than being impressive. She’s not here for the applause. She’s here for the revolution.

She’s Funny as Hell

She uses humor to survive, to connect, and to cope. She laughs through the good times, the chaos, and the heartbreak because humor is her love language and her #1 coping skill. She’s sarcastic AF, a huge smartass, and the kind of woman who can turn a complete disaster into a punchline and make you feel seen in the process. Her wit doesn’t just lighten the mood, it lights the way.

She’s Intentional, Not Idealized

She doesn’t chase perfection; she makes choices that honor her energy. On low-spoon days, it might be frozen pizza supper. On high-spoon days, maybe it’s sourdough or homemade soup. Sometimes dinner is cereal and that’s more than fine.

She adjusts with intention (not guilt) based on her capacity, her bandwidth, and her spoons. She values sustainability, but not at the cost of her sanity. She knows that effort counts more than aesthetics and that sometimes surviving the day is the win.

She Builds Community, Not Pedestals

The “perfect woman” doesn’t make people feel small. She invites them in. She says, “Hey, I see you. You’re not broken, you’re just burnt out.” She’s like a 1950s diner waitress sliding a cup of coffee across the counter and saying, “Pull up a seat, honey. You’re not alone.”

Because the “perfect woman” doesn’t intimidate or guilt people. She invites them in, meets them where they’re at, and guides them toward a life that’s free of society’s bull crap nonsense.

Here’s What It All Comes Down To

My version of the perfect woman isn’t a single person… she’s a vibe.

She’s the kind of woman who might be labeled too much or not enough by the world around her.
She’s too loud, too messy, too honest, not polished, not proper, not soft enough…

But that’s exactly what makes her feel safe, real, and human.

She doesn’t have a Pinterest-perfect house or a carefully curated aesthetic. She’s not chasing perfection. Her boots are muddy, her opinions are strong, her hair does what it wants, and the sayings on her graphic tees might raise a few eyebrows.
But that’s fine because she’s not trying to impress. She’s too busy living with heart.

A “perfect woman” is far from perfect by society’s standards,
and that’s exactly the point.

Now It’s Your Turn

Who’s your version of the perfect woman? Tag her. Text her. Thank her.
Or maybe… realize it’s you. Just as you are.